Hey, Small Spender: Monday Haircare

Finding stylishly packaged beauty products at the grocery store (and at a low price) is such a double win. Especially when you are spending a mortgage payment to get everything else on your list.

I swear that some personal care brands take a perverse delight in punishing us with ugly packaging and cheap fragrance when we choose their less expensive items, so all hail Monday Haircare for setting that business model on fire. Monday’s shampoos and conditioners are loaded with coconut oil, Shea butter and panthenol (vitamin b) for $7.47 for 350 ml. at Walmart. (Coming soon to Shoppers Drug Mart as well.)

Monday was created by former PR exec, New Zealand-based Jaimee Lupton, who clearly understands what people want from beauty products: the contents, the photo-friendly, Insta-bait bottles and how much (or how little) they want to pay. She uses the expression “extortionate pricing” when discussing beauty products in general, and honestly, she’s not wrong.

Monday has four shampoo and conditioner duos (all SLS-, paraben- and cruelty-free): Gentle, Moisture, Smooth and Volume, each with the same creamy, clean-soap scent. And while it may not replace your fanciest luxe haircare (you will have to pry the Leonor Greyl from my cold, dead hands) Monday is definitely something you‘ll be happy to see in your shower (and will look at home in your guest bath instead of some joyless, ugly “value” brand.)

A Middle-Aged Beauty Consumer Yells at Cosmetic Brands

I wrote the story below for Elle Canada’s April 2020 issue, (thank you, Lesa Hannah for letting me give full vent to my rage) and I feel it even more keenly now.

(The photo above of silver-haired Vogue UK editor Sarah Harris accompanied the online version of the piece, entitled I Am A Middle-Aged Beauty Consumer And This Is What I Want Brands To Know.)

Lockdown Skincare: Strong But Gentle Glycolic Acid Peels For Over-50 Skin

LaSpa Intensive Anti-Aging Glycolic Peel and Omorovicza Acid Solution are a glow-giving pair for winter-dull skin.

If you’re restless during the stay-at-home order and looking for a change, try doing a glycolic acid facial peel instead of giving yourself a stick and poke tattoo or bangs that you will probably regret.

A glycolic acid peel speeds up skin cell turnover by dissolving the bonds between skin cells to reveal the clearer, smoother, younger-looking skin underneath. The best part? Glycolic acid also helps thicken skin. The irony here is that once you’re over 50, your skin has begun to thin, leaving it vulnerable to irritation from things like the glycolic acid peel you want to do to thicken your skin.

You can find a solution in LaSpa Intensive Anti-Aging Glycolic Peel, $130, lapsanaturals.com or Clementinefields.ca. Used every night over the course of a week (each jar contains 14 doses, enough for two one-week rounds) it is loaded with hyaluronic acid in addition to the glycolic acid, so your delicate skin is protected while the glycolic acid diligently does its dead-skin-cell munching thing. After the first two nights, you’ll glance into the mirror to see a glow that says you’ve been taking sunrise mountain hikes and doing beach yoga, as opposed to staying indoors eating Pringles and watching third tier Netflix choices.

After you’ve completed the one week peel, a once nightly swipe of Omorovicza Acid Solution, $145, Nordstrom.ca, will help maintain the glow. Acid Solution contains your now best friend, glycolic acid, as well as lactic acid which exfoliates but also moisturizes. It even has lipophilic (oil loving) salicylic acid to dissolve any errant blackheads that have recently colonized your nose and chin (a surprise gift you may have noticed when your pores get larger after menopause.)

And if after all this you are still intent on getting a stick and poke tattoo, how about these whimsical, wee trees?

Take a Perfume Walk with Chanel Sycomore (the World's Best Vetiver)

Les Exclusifs de Chanel Sycomore is the greatest vetiver fragrance. Fact.

TikTok-er @itsmetinx, has her wine walks (fill an opaque Simple Modern cup with wine and stroll through the neighbourhood getting quietly tipsy) but I have been taking perfume walks. As a counterpoint to living in sweats 24/7, I drown myself in perfume and walk the streets of north Toronto, leaving a beautiful-scented wake, like a Catholic priest swinging a censer during Mass.

Right now, my perfume of choice is Les Exclusifs de Chanel Sycomore, (75 ml eau de parfum. $240), the greatest vetiver fragrance there is. (I should change the name of this site from Oldish to ‘Vetiver is my boyfriend.’) Genderless and nuanced, this classic from 2008 is for anyone who craves an earthy, herbal smell but is either repelled or just bored by anything patchouli-dominant. It’s kind of sticky, a little bit smoky and herbal, indisputably very fancy and very Chanel.

Sycomore plays beautifully with other scents. If you have an ethereal floral that needs grounding or toughening, a blast of Sycomore can do that easily without even breaking a sweat. But I prefer it on its own, both as a fragrance and as a critical counterpoint to my WFH wardrobe.

Heavenly-Smelling Weleda Sheer Hydration Moisture Mist Fights Inescapable January

I love Tiktoks of men showing off the beer fridges built into the sides of their man-cave couches. I want tricked-out seating too, but I’d prefer a Montauk 'Scarlett' armchair, with a hidden fridge stash of Weleda Sheer Hydration Moisture Mist, bottled water and some cubed watermelon.

New from Weleda (and perfect timed to counteract January’s moisture-free air and general awfulness) Sheer Hydration Moisture Mist, $19.99, contains prickly pear cactus extract which helps winter-ravaged skin retain water. Prickly pear cactus leaves are full of mucilage, (the same ingredient in kindergarten glue), which is loaded with water-bonding polysaccharides. Add aloe vera juice, skin-plumping betaine and water-attracting glycerine and you have a near-perfect moisture delivery system.

It smells wonderful, its green mandarin and palmarosa scent providing an olfactory jolt of happy along with the moisture surge. Palmarosa smells like a field of roses took a beach vacation: lightly rosy, sunny and energizing.

The range also includes moisturizing lotion, cream and unscented eye gel that could live in your couchfridge™ to soothe Zoom-weary eyes. But for instant gratification, the hydrating mist is it. When you are too lethargic to open tubes and moisturize, you can always manage to lift an arm and spritz.

Your New Ritual: The Morning Mask

I once read that Martha Stewart does a hydrating mask every single morning, but I filed that knowledge under ‘excessive celebrity beauty rituals designed to appease magazine advertisers and sell product.’ Then I got older and watched helplessly as Mother Nature vacuumed every last trace of collagen and moisture from my face. Winter only exacerbates this devastation, so a daily mask is actually a painless way to combat dry air and prevent my face from looking like a crumpled ball of parchment paper.

I don’t much care for sleep masks because I prefer to go in hard with “serious” ingredients at night. Why waste those valuable skin-regenerating hours just moisturizing? But come morning, after I stare grimly into the bathroom mirror assessing the damage wrought overnight, I splash on some water and then apply a mask. After coffee and some random puttering, I rinse the residue off in the shower. It’s easy enough to do and the results are gratifyingly instant.

Currently in rotation: the Embryolisse Masque Hydratant ($32, Shoppers Dug Mart) is a French pharmacy miracle loaded with plant oils, vitamins and moisture-bestowing hyaluronic acid while Nudestix’ Nudeskin Citrus-C mask ($48, Sephora) from their new and surprisingly excellent skincare line, contains antioxidant-rich yuzu, soothing turmeric and has a faintly Creamsicle-ish, mood altering scent. And sure, Sisley’s Velvet Sleeping Mask ($175, Holt Renfrew) is intended for overnight wear, but 30 minutes in the morning is enough for its saffron flower and kokum butter formula to do its thing, while the very French orange blossom scent will make you feel suitably fancy as you sip the first of many dehydrating coffees that day.

Aveeno Restorative Skin Therapy Soothes Itchy “Dragon Shins”

Aveeno Restorative Skin Therapy Itch Relief Balm is a descriptive, but not terribly fun, name.

In Through the Looking Glass, the Red Queen famously tells Alice “it takes all the running you can do to stay in the same place.” Which, in menopause terms, means that after 50 you spend a lot more time moisturizing skin that now feels like it shrunk in the wash. Estrogen loss thins the skin at the same time as you’re losing collagen, losing moisture (thank you, slowed down lipid production) and losing all that juicy, subcutaneous fat.

Throw in the moisture-free, super-dry air of a classic Canadian winter and you have the recipe for the itchy skin that comes from a disrupted skin barrier made worse by scratching. This is dramatically visible on one’s shins - once gleamingly smooth and reflective, they are now rather scaly and dragon-ish.

You can’t just slap on thick cream and hope for the best. You need something that will strengthen your skin barrier and calm the itch, while feeling nice (otherwise you won’t actually use it.)

Right now, Aveeno Restorative Skin Therapy Itch Relief Balm, $9.77, Walmart, is the only thing preventing me from relentlessly clawing away at my itchy, dry shins. If I were in their marketing department, I would change the name to Aveeno Anti-Dragon Shin Balm, complete with a menacing dragon graphic wrapped around the tube.

This balm contains colloidal oatmeal, which not only “possesses antioxidant and anti-inflammatory properties” to soothe inflammation, but oats are also a prebiotic, encouraging the proliferation of good, protective bacteria in your skin’s microbiome. Plus, for immediate itch relief, it also has the topical analgesic Pramoxine Hydrochloride, a light anesthetic (NOT a steroid) that effectively soothes your skin so you don’t scratch. Because it’s that wretched scratching that keeps the cycle of disruption going and prevents your skin from healing.

I’m not done with the dragon simile though. I’m going to hunt down a sticker of a dragon to put on my tube. My Covid lockdown-awakened obsession with childhood things continues apace.

Remember This Ridiculous Beauty Tip?

Tatjana Patitz in French Elle, March 1989

In the early 90s, I stuck this magazine photo of Tatjana Patitiz on my fridge door because I’d read that having pictures of skinny models in the kitchen would prevent me from snacking. It didn’t work at all. But even despite the negative associations, I still love the image.

This ‘self-loathe your way to skinniness’ advice seems dated now when anyone can idly scroll the #fitspo hashtag on Instagram if they want to feel bad about themselves. God willing that habit will disappear as younger generations of women truly believe in body diversity, not just as a marketing trend. I feel hopeful about this.

Even those purveyors of jet-set anorexia, Victoria’s Secret, are shuttering 250 stores this year (no idea how much of this is due to Covid, but I’ll take it) and they stopped producing their annual fashion shows in 2019 due to declining viewership.

And even though I never got skinny enough to wear a bandage dress, I still think Patitz looks great in this picture. My love of 90s supermodels will never die, and in that one way, I’m still the same person who tacked up that photo.

The Best Dark Circle Corrector and Sleep Faker

Little metal roller balls on Boots’ Dark Circle Corrector make application a cooling, pleasing experience

There’s nothing like looking into the mirror, even after a solid eight hour’s sleep, and wondering if someone smudged reddish grey liner under your eyes in the middle of the night. Some of us have dark circles thanks to genetics, bone structure or luck of the draw, that for whatever reason, will not budge.

It’s tempting to admit defeat and go full-on with opaque concealer in the lightest shade, but you risk resembling a ‘reverse panda’’ or a tragic makeup victim with poor eyesight, as a thick coating of under-eye spackle is rarely kind to older skin. And while I love a good eye cream to mitigate crepey, crinkly skin, undereye circles need makeup, not just moisture.

Boots No 7 Dark Circle Corrector ($32CAN) is the happy marriage of hyaluronic acid to plump up the skin, cleverly selected pigments to neutralize those weird shadows (are they blue? Or are they red?) and light-diffusing particles to help illuminate those under-eye hollows. It also works well on the outer corners of your eyes. The effect is subtle and natural. No pandas here. Instead you’ll look serene and well-rested and like you got a film crew to follow you around, pointing high-wattage movie ‘fill’ lights at your face all day long.

Hey, Small Spender: The Best Hair De-frizzer Is Only $10

Typology Jojoba Oil is beautiful, versatile and cheap.

One ingredient found in most hair-smoothing lotions is jojoba oil. The oil that most closely resembles your scalp’s own sebum, it does an aces job of naturally smoothing down the outer layer of your hair to create shine. When we’re older, our oil production decreases just as our hair is getting thinner and drier and more in need of this life-giving, shine-enhancing oil. And if you have curly hair, all those bends and turns make it even harder for the natural oils to make their way down to your (oh look, now they’re frizzy) ends.

A few drops (two? three?) of jojoba oil warmed in your hands and raked through your hair (paying special attention to ends) creates an instant and surprising amount of natural shine, and handily subdues flyaways, for a more elegant, less crazy cat lady look. As someone with frizz-prone grey, I fear that my default setting is now crazy cat lady.

A 60 ml (two ounce) bottle of jojoba oil is roughly $10 at the health food store and lasts forever. But if you’re like me and ugly packaging upsets your fragile equilibrium, this three ounce, minimalist beauty from France’s Typology brand is worth the 9.90 euro price.

Jojoba oil is also a stellar cuticle protector during these unprecedented ‘gel sanitizer is ruinous to our hands’ times. A couple of drops onto your fingertips after hand washing and before hand lotion will keep your cuticles from cracking.

And as someone who hits the self-tanner bottle pretty hard in the winter, I put jojoba oil on my fingers before ‘tanning’ (that makes me sound so Jersey Shore) to prevent the tint grabbing onto any dry skin and turning my fingertips yellowish-brown, making me look like a two-pack-a day smoker. (And that alone is totally worth 10 euros.)